I truly hate you. I’ve come to terms with you and try to find ways to ignore you but sometimes I just can’t get out of the black hole and I can’t get that stupid dark cloud away from over my head. I don’t like the fact that you go away in the spring and summer then you slowly start coming back in the fall, then once winter comes there’s no turning back. It’s so hard to stay positive when i get those horrible negative thoughts that come in the back of my mind. I will not let you take over my life no matter how many times I just want to stay in bed and not get up in the morning. I will not let you think that I’m not worthy of myself or even take away my happiness. I hate the fact that you make me think of myself as a failure and sometimes make so hard for me to see all of the positive things that i have done or that I have going on in my life. I also will not let you win no matter how hard I have to fight you. I know that your always going to be coming back and you won’t go away completely. I know that it’s okay if I need to cry because crying is not a weakness it’s a sign that i am strong and it’s okay to ask for help. No matter how much pain you cause me I know I have amazing family and friends who will be there to support me. Most of them know that i try to hide your pain away and try to deal with it on my own but not anymore because I’m horrible at hiding it. I do know that if I don’t talk about it that’s when I start shutting down and I feel like I’m not worthy. I truly hate that fact that you make me feel like I have to compete with my fiancé because of all of his success and all the good he does for others. I will not let you continue controlling all of my thoughts and I will not let you to take away all of my accomplishments that I have conquered in my life. Sometimes yes I do need some daily reminders for myself that i am pretty, i am smart, i am beautiful, i am confident, i am successful and i am important. For now on I’m going to think about the little things that make me happy and think about all the good that has come my way. You will never control me, you will never win and you will never get the best of me.